Conversation

Violet (poking me with a fork): You know what this is, right?
Me: What?
Violet: You're going to hell in a handbasket and this is your welcoming committee.

Conversation

Violet: I've eaten so much candy... I'm on a sugar high! I'm gonna puke the rainbow...

Conversation

Lu: A boy at school asked me what I am. I thought about it for a minute or two, and then answered, "I'm complicated."

Conversation

Violet, Lu and Nikki are eating their early Valentines' Day present-- boxes of those little conversation hearts.

Vi: Hey, mine says "hottie".
Nikki: Me, too!
Vi: Hmmm..... my next one is telling me, "just kidding".

Conversation

Lu: (handing me some sunflowers) You said that sunflowers were happiness.... so I picked you some happiness today.

Conversation

Talking with my doctor, at my 6 months post-ankle-surgery followup visit:

Doctor: Your ankle looks a little more swollen than I'd expect to see at this stage.
Me: Well, I just sprained it pretty good on July 4th. Since I was here last, I've sprained it at least 3 times.
Doctor (surprised): What???
Me: Hey, I can walk on it after spraining it now. The one on July 4th was bad enough that before the surgery, I would have been on crutches. Now I can walk on it after spraining it.
Doctor: So this means there's improvement?
Me: Yes, most definitely.
Doctor: That's good. The surgery can be done to help stabilize your ankle, but we unfortunately don't have a cure for your clumsiness.

Conversation

Kayla: I don't like this dollar bill. It's all wrinkly and not pretty.
Me: Money is money. Doesn't matter what it looks like. It all spends the same.
Kayla: But I don't like ugly things in my purse!
Lu: Wait...don't you have something in your purse with your picture on it for ID?
Me: (laughing)
Kayla: Yes, of course I do.
Lu: (laughing)
Kayla: Hey!

Conversation

Doing some post-ankle-surgery water walking at the local indoor pool, going around in the "Lazy River" section:

Little girl: You know, you can just float and it will move you around. You don't have to walk.
Me: Yes, I know, but I'm exercising.
Little girl: (incredulous) But you're not fat!

Conversation

Lu: What's that smell?
Me: I farted. Sorry.
Lu: It was small and deadly... like a little ninja.

Conversation

Watching me make her lunch for school today...

Kayla: I'm so excited for my lunch today! All my favorite things, contained in an amazing bag of happiness.

Conversation

Regarding some of the ice issues at the Vancouver Winter Olympics...

Me: One of my friends wondered if there was zamboni tampering going on.
Kayla: What's a zamboni?
Me: The machine that lays down the smooth ice for the skaters.
Kayla: Oh! I thought you were talking about a tribe or something.

Conversation

Lu throws a gummy piece of candy across the room and Kayla catches it in her mouth...

Us: (cheering)
Violet: You'd be good at baseball.
Kayla: No, I'd be good at frisbee! (bark)

Conversation

Me, explaining to Lu about a vocabulary word she heard on her video game...

Me: Mundane. It means the same old thing every day. Boring. Nothing new, just the everyday usual.
Lu: Is that why they call it Monday?

Conversation

After being given the option of going to church or the chores she will be expected to do instead:

Lu: That's not fair!
Me: Well, you can just come to church, and you won't have to do the chores.
Lu: Fine, I think I will!
Me: Ok.
Lu: But you can't force me to pay attention!

Conversation

Violet: Mom, stop! You're embarrassing me.
Me: It's required of parents to embarrass their children.
Violet: No, it's not.
Me: Yes, it really is. In fact, when you decide to become a parent, you have to take a parent test. One of the last questions is, "Are you willing to embarrass your children?" If you don't answer "yes", then you don't pass the test and you can't have kids.
Violet: (pause) Really???

Conversation

While hiking this morning:

Me: Now this is my kind of church!
Ron: Amen.

Conversation

Co-worker 1: I'm going to be moving into a retirement community in about a month.
Me: One for active adults?
C1: Exactly!
C2: Whenever I hear "active adults", it always sounds naughty to me.
C1: It all depends upon where your mind is at...
C2: I mean, I've only been married 7 years, and if someone said I was an "active adult", I know what I'd think of first!
Me: I hope when I'm living in a retirement community that I'll be an "active adult"!

Conversation

Me: Now that you're driving, I want to be sure you know how to change a flat tire.
Kayla: Oh, I already know how.
Me: Really? Explain how to me.
Kayla: You get out of your car, stick your boobs and butt way out, and your tire will get changed in about 5 minutes.

Conversation

Lu: I think the boys at school pulled my arm out of place yesterday when they were yanking on it.
Me: It's probably just a mild sprain.
Lu: I didn't know you could sprain your arm!
Me: You can sprain any muscle. In fact, you can sprain your brain if you think too hard.
Lu: (surprised look) .....Really?

Conversation

Lu: Can I have some of your Vanilla Hazelnut tea?
Me: Sure.
Lu: What does it taste like?
Me: Like vanilla and hazelnuts.
Lu: But how will it taste?
Me: Do you know what vanilla tastes like?
Lu: Yes.
Me: Do you know what hazelnuts taste like?
Lu: Yes.
Me: Well, it tastes like vanilla and hazelnuts.
Lu: But does it taste like nuts?