Mom-In-Law

Ron received a call last night from Lana. She and Nate apparently got married on August 26th! I'm so happy for them, and glad they decided to elope. Weddings are a huge pain in the butt. **grin**

Wow. I'm a mom-in-law now.

I feel like I've entered a new "stage" in life (but haven't left the last one yet). And the weirdest part is realizing that the "grandchildren stage" is just around the corner.

It's almost surreal.

Labor Day

My brother Dusty and his family came over to spend Labor Day with us. The cousins had a grand time together, and the adults got in some good visiting time. (Why is it that when you're a kid, adults are SO boring 'cause all they want to do is TALK when they get together, and then you end up doing just that when you grow up?)

Ron and Ana (sis-in-law) talked music-- she really wants his Beatles' collection-- and Dusty fixed a master dimmer switch for me. It's nice having an electrician brother. I'm sure he thinks the same about me, being a sister computer geek and all... :)

We had a yummy dinner of fairly standard summertime food: my to-die-for sloppy joes, chips, red and green grapes, watermelon, and fresh corn-on-the-cob. We all ate too much!

After dinner, we popped in our Heroes DVDs. My brother and sis-in-law hadn't seen them yet... They had to leave after the third episode, and by then they were hooked. :) They took Season 1 home with them.

I really want to get Season 2, but money is too tight right now. Still waiting on Washington to return a "verdict" on the whole child support issue. I hope they hurry... they're killing us right now.

Dad

My parents decided to go on a bike ride this morning. As they were pedaling along, my dad hit some gravel, and crashed pretty spectacularly.

He broke his temporal bone (skull), his collarbone, and fractured his pelvis in three places.

He'll be going into surgery sometime today to get screws put into his pelvis. My dad is only 67-- that's pretty young to be starting with the hip fractures. :(

Blast From the Past

I spent the weekend cleaning more crap out of the garage. I'm getting ready to have one more HUGE yard sale and get rid of what's left.

I've now hit the boxes that contain 'memorabilia' of times with E.C. and Pierre.

Just when you think you've buried old hurts, healed old wounds, etc...

Let's just say that it's a good thing Ron came home and gave me a big hug that first day. You have to remember that there are things right in the world. Not everything is heartbreak.

It did feel good to trash some more of the old divorce papers, though. And I'm selling a bunch of little presents E.C. gave to me. There's something freeing about choosing actions like this. It's at least a step in a positive direction when there's so many negative thoughts swirling around you.

Texting

Kayla has been whining for over two years, hoping this will eventually convince me of her Great Need For Texting. Now that she's going to be attending a school about an hour's drive from where we live, I'm thinking now is the time to get texting.

Of course, this morning the main news headline is about a woman who caused a bad accident and almost killed a man because she was texting while driving.

I've told Kayla in no uncertain terms that if she EVER texts while driving, I will confiscate the phone permanently. I've heard of other parents threatening to withdraw all driving privileges until age 18. I'm thinking that's not a bad idea...

Comments on the news article mention a new device called tiwi. It tells your kid that they're driving too fast, or doing other reckless things while driving. If it only could tell when your kid was texting while driving, or yakking on the cell, or even messing with the stereo too much... then I'd get one.

Yellowstone, Day 7

I guess that technically, this was more of a "Grand Teton" day, as we packed up camp and drove out of the park this morning. We stopped for lunch at String Lake in the Tetons, which is a beautiful little lake to kayak in. We made passing hikers jealous of our lunch of grilled hamburgers and hotdogs.

I love the Grand Tetons-- it is so amazingly beautiful there. I camped there a few years ago, and am just itching to get back. It's so peaceful, and the backdrop of these stunning mountains just adds to the experience all the more.

On the drive back home from the Tetons, we amused ourselves by playing a song game-- I whistled tunes from Disney movies, and they had to try to guess the movie and the name of the song. I had a terribly dry mouth after a hour of this! :)

Jak called her mother when we got closer to home, to see if she could come home with us that night so I could take her to the dentist tomorrow. Her mother was awful to her, as usual. She insisted that Jak had to stay the night at her house that night, and that we could drive all the way back up to pick her up in the early morning (45 minute drive, usually), and then take her over an hour back down to the dentist office, and then drive her all the way back home. Jak was crying after she got off the phone, saying, "She's such a bitch when it comes to you guys. I don't know why, but she just hates you." I responded with, "But this isn't about us-- it's about you." She looked sad and said, "I know. But she doesn't care." I told her I was sorry.

Divorce sucks even worse for kids when one of the parents is an asshole.

But, even with the little spoiler at the end of the trip, we had a GREAT time. :)

Please Hit Me-- I Need the Aggravation!

I swear I have a target painted on the back of every vehicle I drive. Sheesh.

I got rear-ended *again*. I haven't even had this one long enough to get plates on it! I am SO tired of getting in car accidents... you know it's pretty sad when I've been in so many car accidents that I can't tell you what # accident this is...

In other news, it looks like Ron and I are back together again. I'm still not exactly sure how it happened, but it did. And I'm okay with it. Ever since seeing E.C. this last time, I've been able to put that relationship completely to rest. He no longer tugs on my heartstrings. So now that I'm back together with Ron, things seem different. I don't know how to explain it, but it just *is*.

Love is confusing.

Weekend of the Ex-Boyfriends

On Friday night, I saw my old boyfriend, E.C. You'd think that 5 months of not seeing him (and having another boyfriend in the meantime!) would make being around him again easier. Fat chance. I guess he'll probably be one of those guys I'll always be in love with. *sigh* My single friend Jamie says about guys like E.C., "They're the ones who you love with all your heart, but you could never live with on a day to day basis." She's right. Living with E.C. would drive me absolutely batty after a few months. It's amazing how much I still yearn to be with him though. But I resisted successfully this weekend, even though he invited me to watch a movie with him at his house Friday night.

Saturday night, it was Ron's turn. I told him that I was ready to end the romantic part of our relationship. He took it pretty hard, as I figured he would. Even though he knew it was eventually coming, he really didn't want our relationship, as it stood, to end. Now we're diving into the murky waters of "Let's be friends". We'll see how that goes. I know that from my end, I'll be able to do it (I wasn't totally, completely head-over-heels in love with him), but since he was completely smitten with me, I don't think it's going to be easy for him. I really feel for him, I do! I know exactly what he's going through, 'cause I was on the receiving end of this exact same thing at the end of last summer. It sucks rocks.

I know it was the right thing to do for me (I'm feeling like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders today), yet I'm in the 'second guessing myself' mode right now. I mean, Ron is a *really* decent guy. You don't find those too often in my dating age group, y'know? So I have to have faith that there's someone better for me out there...

I know when I talk to my best friend Carol across the street about the breakup, I'll probably end up asking the question I've asked her multiple times over the past year and a half: "Tell me why it was I wanted to start dating again?!?" :)

Life

Okay, so I've been really lax about writing lately. I've been up to my eyeballs in scrapbooking stuff (I have finished one complete 2-page layout, it's really cute, and ready to post to eBay this weekend), shuttling kids to soccer games and practices, work has been ultra-busy, watching American Idol (Taylor made the top 12!), painting Kayla's bedroom, etc. All convenient excuses not to write, I know... :)

Last night, I had to put a new doorknob on my bedroom door-- one with a keyed lock. My mascara went mysteriously 'missing' again, and the only one who uses my makeup without asking is Shandy. This time, though, it didn't reappear. I'm tired of her taking my stuff (makeup, clothes, little things that are mine that she decides she wants...). So my door was locked as I left this morning. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to keep someone from coming into my room from the bay window door, which is accessible with the housekey (as it's the outside door lock). I'm sure that if she really wants in my room, she'll go in through that way. It's pretty sad that I'm having to lock my room up. It's even sadder that Kayla's new room that's almost finished in the basement will also need a keyed lock for the same reason.

I still don't know what to do with that child. She's a completely different teen than I was... I mean, I was interested in earning my parents' trust so I could have the car keys, y'know? I wanted a job so I could earn money, and in turn go do and buy the things I wanted. And to do that, my parents had to trust me. I can't do that with Shandy right now.

So here's an upcoming dilemma-- my brother is planning on giving Shandy his old car on her 16th birthday. How do you go about enforcing driving 'privileges' when the kid owns the car? Insist on a copy of the key and get "The Club"? Mileage checks?

Maybe the aliens will bring back her totally sweet nature in the next few months.

Mean Mom Strikes Again

I woke Shandy up at the usual 6:00am. She finally rolls out of bed close to 6:55am. Her bus comes just before 7:15am. Starting at 7:00am, she starts asking me about getting a ride to school. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I am not going to give her a ride, that she knows if she misses the bus, she gets to walk to school. She doesn't say anything else to me until after 7:15, when she does actually miss the bus.

Then the bargaining phase begins. "I'll do the dishes when I get home." "I'll wash the kitchen floor." "I'll clean the family room." "I'll clean the family room, the kitchen, and the front room." "Just tell me what you want me to do!"

"Shandy, what I want you to do is start walking to school."

"Mooooooooommmmm!!!! I can't be late!"

Ummmm... guess what, Shandy? I need to be on time for work, too. And I've been late to work over 10 times in the past 2 months because I've taken you to school due to you missing the bus. The last 5 times I agreed to the bargaining terms set out, and the last 3 of those times, you didn't fulfill your end of the bargain.

The lying starts. "Today is the orchestra tour. I'll miss the bus if I'm not on time!" I look at her and respond with, "Well, maybe you should have thought of that at 6am this morning when I woke you up." "But I didn't hear you wake me up this morning!" :::sigh::: "Shandy, we held a short conversation this morning after I woke you up."

Anger phase: "Fine! I'd rather stay home today than walk to school and deal with this!" as she yells and stomps down the hall. "So you're choosing to sluff school today, then?" I call after her.

Begging phase: "PLEASE!!! My knee hurts from paintballing this weekend, and I don't want to walk to school on it! I'll do *anything* if you'll just take me this morning!"

Guilt trip phase: "Why won't you do this? Why are you so horrible and mean? Why won't you at least let me pay for the gas like Mrs. Jones does for her boys when they miss the bus? Why won't you give me just one more chance? I promise it will NEVER happen again!" (The last two sentences are repeats of the past 5+ times she missed the bus.)

I sigh as I'm getting in the car to leave. "Shandy.... I am tired of having to be the one to bail you out because you choose to make poor time choices."

Parting shot: "But you're my MOM!" And the door slams.

Yes, Shandy... I *am* your mom. And as your mom, I want you to learn personal responsiblity for your actions. I want you to learn that every action (or inaction) has a consequence attached, either good or bad. I want you to learn how to be a good, functioning young adult who doesn't expect the world to cater to them and then be surprised when life doesn't work that way.

In other words, I love you. I want what is best for you. I hope someday you can see that.

I'm A Little Teapot

I lost my temper last night, probably the worst I've ever lost it. My patience limit was reached, breached, and overrun in a pretty bad way. I guess I let frustration rule...

Shandy pushed one too many of my buttons. I was tired of the war zone she creates in our home, I was tired of her blatant lying, I was tired of her stealing my and her sisters' things, I was just plain tired of all the contention and anger and disrespect.

However, there was some good that came out of the whole mess... she and I had a LONG talk afterwards. We discussed issues, aired a lot of grievances, and cleared up misconceptions. She has come to the realization that she probably could use some help re: counseling services. I pitched the idea of residential treatment to her (I've been checking into a local program here that looks very promising). She was amenable to the idea.

So we'll see how it goes... I think it would be very beneficial, and hope things work out that I can manage to afford it. The chance for her to 'escape' from her life and be able to work on herself and her issues in a therapeutic setting would be a wonderful opportunity.

Teen Logic

Shandy has been turning into quite a handful of a teenager lately. She's 15, thinking she's going on about 23, I would suppose.

Last night, she informed me which high school she will be attending next year. Period, end of story. Her best friend will be attending this school, which is what precipitated this whole thing.

My objections to her attending this high school are:

1. It is 40+ minutes from our house.... with no traffic. And that's rare.
2. She is counting on my brother giving her his old car (if and when he buys a new one sometime in the possible near future).
3. She is going to be paying for her car insurance and gas with a future job she is planning on getting after she turns 16.
4. In the meantime, she wants to get rides with her friend and friend's sister (who would be driving). Their house is currently up for sale, and the family wants to move closer to the other high school.
5. I have no way of getting her to and from this high school if she doesn't have a ride.

I have now been accused of trying to keep her from her friends and break them apart. (???) "I'm not stupid, you know... I know exactly what you're trying to do!"

Gotta love teen logic.

o/' o/' "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do..." o/' o/'

Ron and I had a long talk this weekend. It looks as if we've both come to an understanding that our relationship isn't going to be a long-term one, at least past a friendship level. Talk about a difficult and emotionally wrenching exchange.

One thing we both came to realize yesterday, though, is that this type of conversation would have never occurred with our former spouses. Communication just didn't happen like this... it was basically non-existent. So it is actually a huge milestone for both of us, relationship-wise, to even be at this place. Being in a happy, working relationship is a good experience for us.

I wish I could take the qualities I really like about Ron and the qualities I really liked from my previous boyfriend and mesh them together into one guy. I'd definitely go for him. :D

So is this stage 1 in an amicable breakup?

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope everyone has a sweetheart to dote upon today. It makes Valentine's much more enjoyable, in my opinion. Shandy told me last night that she thinks today should be renamed "Singles Awareness Day", as she and her friends don't have boyfriends/girlfriends right now, and that they shouldn't be forgotten. She said at least in elementary school, everyone got candy and valentines.

I have a sweetheart this year. I'm currently dating Ron, a Very Nice Guy. He treats me like a queen, which is a completely new experience for me. I will have to admit that being doted upon is, well... rather nice. Other guys have been good to me, but he's *WAY* into me. He thinks the sun rises and sets upon me.

So he's really, really, really nice... but I'm not head over heels for this guy. I mean, I know you don't have to be all goo-goo eyes for someone to have a great relationship with them (and we have a pretty darn good relationship), but it feels like something is missing to me. With my last serious boyfriend, there was that spark-- the special something that seems to be missing between Ron and me. I think Ron feels that way towards me, but I'm just not feeling it back. We've been dating exclusively for 4 months now, and it's just not a-comin'.

I don't know what to do... he treats me and my girls like gold. He helps me with household chores and "honey-do's", attends my girls' soccer games, and is always there when I need someone to be there for me. He wants to marry me, but he knows I just don't want to go there right now (and he's willing to wait as long as it takes).

It's kind of ironic-- my last boyfriend broke things off with me after 8 months of exclusive dating, telling me that he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship (???) and that he just wanted to be friends. I couldn't do that-- I was way too in love with him-- and have completely cut all ties with him. Now, I'm feeling like I'm in the same situation, only reversed. I'd like to be 'just friends' with Ron (at least for awhile, until I get my feelings about this situation sorted out), but I think it would be way too hard for him because he's so in love with me.

Love is too complicated. I keep asking my best friend Carol across the street, "Please remind me why is it I wanted to start dating again?"